One of Many
by FlippedSwitch
Summary: Everyone makes mistakes, this is just one of many.


**Disclaimer: Twilight and its sequels are all owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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The joy emitting from the child was small in comparison to other emotions and levels of happiness I'd felt before. But it was simple and light - a momentary delight to her as she swung in the rusted yellow swing. Her wispy brown hair soared behind her as she jumped - mightily - off of the swing as it was in its arc.

A sharp pang of fear, then a twang of pain later and the little girl burst into tears as her knees hit the dirt. "M-Mommy!" she cried, loud and out-spoken. I turned to glance over, but the scent hit me before I could process what she'd done next.

Blood, sweet smelling, delicious, blood. Just a bit, but oh! What a wonderful scent! My iris' darkened, and an cannibalistic snarl tore from my throat as I ducked into a crouch. A wave of terror, her terror, hit me as I pounced at blinding speed to her still-fallen body. The monster in me was too much; I had lost the battle of control for my own will.

I tore at her throat with my teeth, not fanged like most humans imagined but so powerful it didn't matter; her blood gushed out into my waiting mouth all the same. Her tiny body twitched and her horrific screams softened to strangled cries until she stopped moving all-together; her terror and confusion fading gradually to a numbness I did not mind. Yet I didn't stop to consider any of this.

Her blood was all that mattered; the lovely taste as it sped down my throat until the flow was no more than a trickle. And then, I was me again. If I had a working heart, it would have pounded hard enough to hear for miles. So strong was the remorse, guilt, and anguish that washed over me that I thought another had also witnessed the attack and, that person too, was feeling the same emotions I was.

But no one was around to see me at my darkest. I dropped the now limp body from my hands. She thudded to the wood-chip ground and crumbled there, eyes wide open yet glazed over.

I had let them down, all of them, my family. Alice, my Alice, most of all. Yet my distracted mind was racing, and I knew I had to leave the scene of my destruction. It was ironic a little human girl could make me weak enough to forgo all my years of working to go against the very principles of my nature. But the need to protect my family overwhelmed me, my own emotions multiplied by the urgency of the situation.

I ran.

At first, I ran without want or need to actually _get_ somewhere; but when I hit a river I stopped to clean my face of the small droplets of blood that had dried there and tormented me with left-over flavor. Scooping the water in nimble hands I carefully scrubbed away the evidence of my failure. When I had finished I stared down into the water for but a second more.

Red eyes glared at me, they accused and scolded. True, it was more a murky mix of both red and gold, a sort of amber color. Still, it was a far cry was the normal golden eyes that my family and I had sported. If I were to go back now, they would see the new color and know what I'd done.

Why hadn't Alice stopped me? Hadn't she foreseen my brutal murder? I knew the answer almost as soon as my mind had asked the question. No, she had not seen. She couldn't have seen, because I had not made the decision to kill the little girl -I had merely done it, without reason and not based on any rational thought.

_Monster_, crooned a voice in my head. Yes, I agreed, I was a monster.

I sat down at the waters edge to wait. Alice would be here soon, I knew. Surely she would have seen my decisions after 'the act', as I called it now, and come running.

For minutes that felt more like hours, I sat stone still. I did not breathe but only listened for her footsteps. When after 10 minutes I didn't hear her, I sighed. She wasn't coming; perhaps she hadn't seen? Maybe she was focusing on something else.

_Or, maybe..._ the voice in my head crooned now. M_aybe she didn't want to come. Maybe she thinks you're a monster now, too. _Some part of me realized that the voice was my own but I liked thinking it was separate, a separate part that was not me that doubted Alice.

The light, pitter-patter of footfalls shocked me. It was easy to recognize, Alice's footsteps were a sound I'd heard for years now. My head still looked up and I tensed. She burst through the canopy of trees and was in front of me before I could stand. I relaxed, but looked away when I saw the gold in her eyes standing out - fresh from hunting.

"Jasper," she said softly, kneeling down and reaching a tiny hand to my cheek. I leaned into her hand, letting it comfort me. I felt her worry and love, mingled together. There was no hatred or disgust in her. How, I wondered to myself, can she not think me a horror?

"Alice," I greeted lightly, reaching up to take her hand and hold it between my own, much larger, hands. She looked at me with wide, golden eyes.

"You're not a monster." Her soprano voice was confident but gentle. Afraid to upset me, I tasted the emotions almost as if they were tangible. Of course she'd say that. Pathetically enough, this wasn't the first time Alice had seen me at one of my darkest moments.

I sighed and pulled her into my lap, wrapping my arms in an iron hold around her tiny body. It still amazed me how small she was, like a little doll. Only no little doll could tear you limb from limb; ah, my Alice.

"She was just a child," I said lowly, the words muffled in her unruly black hair. "- I took away her future." Alice shifted in my hold, twisting gracefully to bring her face level to mine. She stared into my eyes, and I felt another wash of love before her lips caressed mine with a softness that rivaled silk. Immediately, my guilt subsided a bit as I lost myself in the feel of her against me.

I pressed back harder while my hands went fluttering to pull her closer. It took a moment for thought to come back as she pulled away just enough so that I could clearly see her lovely face. "Jasper, Jasper... It's not your fault. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I should have seen it, to stop you. Don't blame yourself, please." She whispered her confession, trying her best to control her own pressings of guilt.

I was stumped. At that point I wished I was Edward, just so I could read her mind; just so I could see her reasoning behind those pangs of guilt. "No one blames you. They're all waiting for you to come back; they wanted me to tell you that." Alice added, eyes earnestly boring into mine. I couldn't look away.

"You couldn't see, there was no decision made, Alice." I sternly told her, gripping her tightly so she would listen. "Let's go," I muttered when she grinned quickly, a feral little smile that made me suddenly eager to get back to the house. I was fluidly on my feet and off, Alice at my side.

The strong feelings of love and acceptance didn't go away even as we raced into the range of the others. This was enough to bring a rare grin to my face, and a phantom thump to my long-stopped heart.

Body count: too many to count, but they loved me anyway. Thank whatever God there might be.


End file.
